Who's got next?

By now, you should know, I lack game.

What can I say? Some guys have it. Some guys don't.

I don't.

Somehow, I get the wrong f-word with any female I'm interested in.


Geez, even saying it gives me the shivers.

So, imagine how surprised I was when a girl I've been interested in (and, yes, to the next question, she's Jewish) broke up with her boyfriend. I gave her grieving space for some time, but then, like a lion stalking its prey, began slowly moving in.

One night, we were at a friend's party. She and I were standing together. She had her arm around my waist and I was combing her long locks with my fingers. She looked in my eyes, leaned in close and said:

"So, tell me about your friend, I___."

Are you fucking kidding me?

So I spent the next I-don't-know-how-long-but-it-felt-like-forever listening to her tell me how great my friend was, how interested she was in him, and how she was hoping he indicated some interest in her as well. All with one of the worst fake smiles I've ever mustered.

And during this conversation, she indicated my apparent flaws. My eye color (damnit, I like my blue-green eyes!) and the fact that I'm not bilingual. I don't understand the bilingual thing. I talk to people in Canada, England and Australia on occassion and I understand them perfectly.

Nevertheless, there I was. Discovering a whole new realm of hell.

The only way it could have been worse would have been if she had started singing, "It's a Small World After All."

So the search continues.

In the meantime, if you know any women who are cute, Jewish and local...

...or better yet, if you have Sasha Cohen's number...


Postmodern Sass said...

Consider the source of this forthcoming attempt at advice and be forwarned... but when you say you began moving in, what, exactly, did you do?

Did you ask her out?

And how did you both come to be at this party? Did you ask her to go with you?

If you were friends with her while she had the boyfriend, then she's going to continue thinking of you as a friend unless you do something to make her think of you as something more than a friend. Like ask her out on an actual date.

The worst she can say is no. And as a wise blogger friend told me, back at the time of the Viking saga, even when we say no we're always flattered that you asked.

OK, 'nuff blind leading the blind for today.

Well, one more thing. You maybe shouldn't have just endured silently what she was saying. Or, worse, if you "went along" with it, never giving her any indication that it was hurtful to you. The old suffer in silence routine isn't always the best play.

Blundering American said...


As always, you make astute observations. However, the story is a tad old (I've had a bit of blog-backup), and, as a quick epilogue, she is now exclusively dating my friend.

Nevertheless, it has also been my experience that if she ("she" in the etheral sense) is interested in someone else, and indicates, however subtly, her lack of interest in me, there's no reason for me to continue to pursue her. It's not fair to her after making her intentions known. But more importantly, it's not fair to me, as I deserve and am entitled to someone who is as interested in me and I am in her.

As far as "suffer[ing] in silence," you, again, make a good point. However, in this circumstance, where she's also a friend, and she's made her lack of interest known, I can raise a stink or be a good friend and listen to something that's important to her, because it's important to her. It's always a judgment call based on the circumstances. Recognizing what the extent of our relationship would be, I chose the latter. And we've remained friends since.

As always, thanks for the concern, the advice, and the comment!

Postmodern Sass said...

I wouldn't say raise a stink. I would suggest, let her know, gently and discretely, that she's being insensitive. Going on about how much you like a guy, to another guy, is only permissible if the other guy is (1) related to you, or (b) gay.

You give up too easy.

(That is to say, you gave up to easy at the party, when this all happened. Now that she's dating your friend, OK, yes, give up. For now, at least.)

There are some girls--and I'm one of them--who would strike you off the potential romance list for that reason alone.

Alecia said...

You deserve better. What girl chooses shit brown over blue-green is fucked up anyway. Signs Joshy...signs. hehe.

Alecia said...

*Correction: Any girl, not what girl...

Postmodern Sass said...

Um, I suppose I should add (c), or (3), if the other guy is reading your blog. In which case the "going on about" the first guy (or Viking, or Sailor, or what have you) is not directed at you directly.

If you see what I mean.